Heat Sucks Or Does It?
by MyNameIsJag
Summary: G1-verse Basic crack fic including a Uke Ratchet in heat, plotting twins, and a not too helpful Wheeljack. Mostly smut with dialoge...


_**Heat Sucks…Or Does It?**_

_By: MyNameIsJag_

_**Author's Note:**_ Disclamier: I do NOT own Transformers. Also this is just crack, yaoi crack, to entertain me and whoever else reads this… Rated T for sexual implications and the basic weirdness in a crack fic. Nothing about this is serious…so don't take it like it is, this came about cause I was bored. And if that excuse don't work, how about this, I am possessed and the demons told me to write this to spread yaoi evilness to corrupt people's minds. Enjoy.

'_Comlink talk'_

"Regular talk"

He knew something was wrong when he started feeling abit overheated, but he just calculated it to being overworked again. But no, it could never be that simple…it can never be that simple…he blamed all the younger ones running around this pit forbidden place. Fragging younglings, dealing with them everyday just had to effect his systems…he could hear Wheeljack laughing at him now…well he would have if he hadn't locked himself inside his room and shutdown all communication to himself…

It would have been the perfect time for relaxation, no one in there to bother him, stocked up on energon (not including his special brand), and everything quiet expect for the fan that was drawing out a smell into the outside atmosphere away from the inside of the ark…it was that smell that was causing his current problems.

Groaning, he stood up from his little self made spot near the door…he had no idea why he choose to make a pallet there…probably some kind of internal instinct… He walked over to the couch and just flopped down on it and made himself busy with flipping the channels on the TV…anything to distract him from the situation he was in.

Was this some kind of karma for his attitude toward his patients…he only acted that way because he was afraid of getting to attached…though he already knew it was to late for that and he would gladly give up his life for any of the slagging glitches. Maybe it was just that Primus had a sick sense of humor…and thought it was time for him to be the pun of the joke.

He growled and suddenly felt like throwing something, his body ached, he was overheated, and was emitting a scent that had some of the soldiers of the ark staring and following him around…at first he thought it was just him getting sick and the others were just playing some kind of game. But when he woke up from recharge that morning…he knew it was more then sickness…something a lot worse…

Ratchet, one of the older mechs, tenacious, made with a streak to refuse to back down, the CMO that patients were afraid of…woke up as a panting, whimpering, submissive glitch in heat…

He felt like banging his helm against the wall, this kind of stuff wasn't supposed to happen to him or any good kind of medic! Their bodies were supposed to be able to dampen the effects of such a thing, there was too many injuries to be taken care of for a medic to be allowed to come into heat!

But his configuration decided that the war had calmed down enough and it was time for breeding…he should have been suspicious when the twins in the mid of arguing stopped after coming into the medbay, stared at him with wide optics then happily decided to grab both of his arms and attempted to drag him off while telling him he smelt nice.

At the moment he chalked it up to them wanting to use him in some kind of prank and he was only saved when Prowl walked by, did a double take at the twins attempting to take their medic off somewhere and instantly demanded that they release him.

They had growled at the cruiser and pulled him closer and preceded to have a staring competition with the SIC, he was only able to escape when Sunstreaker released his arm to punch Prowl, allowing him to grab his 'oh so loving' wrench and beat them both over the helms with it.

Looking back at it, maybe he should be flattered that the hellions were so willing to mate him…but it just made him mentally shudder…his body seemed to be grateful for the attention though.

He whimpered, suddenly feeling he needed to be pampered and held…and fragged…but he shook the feeling off with a growl, there was no way he was going to become a needy submissive…no offense to Prowl…but he had Jazz the time his heat came in.

Granted, when it did, the officer took off with the TIC behind him, unlike Ratchet, Prowl couldn't hide in his room…Jazz knew how to hack and it would have made him trapped and if saboteur wasn't stubborn before about getting the Datsun in the berth, he sure was that week.

Turned out their little chase went on for about three days before tactician was caught…apparently Jazz had thought ahead when Prowl first started showing signs.

It was a bitter sweet get together though, a few days after their coupling, there was a big attack and Prowl got hit…he lost his first sparkling…and nearly died from grief and pain from it.

If it wasn't for Jazz…the CMO was sure they would have lost the SIC…and no one was prepared for the saboteur's reaction to his mate's injury and his offspring's death. The next battle, he went out there guns blazing and every curse that made Ratchet wonder…the usual retreat from the Decepticons was even more pathetic then it usually was, especially the injuries they had received.

Weirder yet was the seekers reactions…they were literally a different breed in themselves, originally made to protect and secure sparkling and younglings.

So when the truth came out of why Jazz went 'crazy', the seekers, now armed with knowledge that an unborn sparkling was killed, they happily joined in the little revenge escapade.

Afterwards, the Autobots were stuck with a bunch of seekers, a still angry Jazz, a shocked leader, and a very confused team…

Starscream had made it where the seekers were to protect all those baring, doing so by hovering above the entire Autobot fraction and demanding who was next to go into heat which caused a few embarrassments among the troops…and Red Alert fritzing over his new 'bodyguard'…Inferno seemed happy though at the news.

Pausing for a few brief moments in his ponderings before growling, he now had bots to blame, Prowl for his damned heat, Jazz for bonding with the bastard, the Decepticons for making Jazz go nuts and bringing in the seekers which made the Ark's residence systems assured that sparkling care was okay now and making it safer for heat cycles…damn it, he blamed them all!

He growled again and stood up from the couch, he could just smash something with a good whack of his wrench, but the thought was thrown off as his need hit him, causing to crash back onto the couch.

Now instead of growling, he was whimpering and no matter of self-serving could make this pain go away! Damn Primus and everyone else he was sure had something to do with his situation, DAMN THEM ALL!

Before he could release a stream of curses, his com-link binged, alerting him that someone was trying to contact him…he had been ignoring everybody but maybe a little chat with someone would take his processor off the ache. _'What do you want?''_

_'RATCHET, why are you locked up, you should be out and helping expanding the generations!' _

His optics shuddered at the voice, was that Wheeljack…surely the scientist wasn't exactly put 'together'…but for something like that… _'…Wheeljack?' _

_'Yeessss?' _

_'Just making sure I haven't lost it yet…' _

He growled as a familiar laugh echoed in his auditory systems, _'Come on Ratch, your not the only one 'suffering'.' _

_'Do I even want to know who else…no…I don't care! What matters is making sure that door doesn't open till I'm better!' _

A humming sound came from the other end before the response, _'You know…Sunny's right…' _

_'Right about what?' _

A chuckle, it was amazing how quick Wheeljack, an old friend and comrade of his, could suddenly become someone he would wish drop dead at the moment, _'That you need to get laid.' _

Yep…he was going to kill the inventor when he got out… _'Frag Sunny and his brother as well!' _

_'Hehe, well they have been trying to get pass the codes on your lock…so if your not careful, you will be doing just that.' _

_'…I hate you, Wheeljack…' _

More laughter, _'Oh, come on, Ratchy! You got to admit, it's funny! You, the stubborn medic made from the Unmaker and the pit itself, has turned into a submissive! That my, friend, is ironic comedy!' _

The CMO really wished he could strangle the life out of the explosion master, but that would have to wait until he got out. Sighing, he slumped farther into the couch, _'Why exactly are the Terror Twins after me, why not go after Bluestreak…or anyone else!'_

More humming, _'Don't know, though they do think of Blue more of a brother and everyone knows who most of their pranks are aimed at.' _

Ratchet shuddered his eyes again, _'Are you trying to tell me they have been torturing me for attention?' _

He could just see the scientist right now, fins lit up brightly, a smile behind the mask as he rocked back and forth like a youngling with the biggest secret in the world…it made him sick… _'You never noticed that whenever you were talking or paying attention to someone else they would magically pop up. They made sure your focus was on them, they strutted into the medbay after battle as though they just won the war by themselves and proceeded to show off their injuries like they were telling everybody 'look at us, we're better then all of you and we deserve to be looked over and fixed first.'' _

The medic just stared blankly at nothing, letting the words sink in…maybe all this was a bad dream and someone had slipped him something…cause that explanation was, in human terms, fucked up! _'Wheeljack, I think you need to get your processor checked.'_

_'Nope, I'm doing ok, I only had one incident this week and First Aid said I was good to go…or did he tell me to take it slow…I forget…' _

Ratchet took a deep intake, this conversation was causing a processor ache, but at least he was distracted from his needs, _'I swear after this is all over, I'm taking you out back and shooting you to put you out of my misery.' _

No laughter this time, _'Wheeljack?'_, silence from the other end, _'Wheeljack?'_, he was getting angry but that feeling was replaced with dread as he heard a whirring noise of locks coming undone from the outside. _'_

'_Don't be mad Ratchet, this is for your own good,' _panic, yeah he was defiantly panicking now, he had placed a sequence of locks on the door and was changing the codes every earth hour to stop someone from hacking it…

He didn't do it this time, _'Wheeljack, what did you do?' _

The last lock was starting to whir as the intruder…or intruders…had finally broke through and Wheeljack let out a guilty chuckle, _'I provided the distraction, well, have fun!' _

The comlink broke as the door slide open, revealing two smirking mechs, Ratchet could only stare at them from the couch…oh what he would give to turn invisible right now.

Sunstreaker strode in, a little swag in his step as his optics landed on the cowering medic and he let out a deep purr, Sideswipe seemed as though he was ready to start skipping and his smirk widened into a grin.

The healer let out a whimper as the door shut behind them and the locks went back into place, the yellow twin made his way around the couch and happily flopped beside him, "I wouldn't worry about the door, we changed the codes."

He scooted back from the frontliner, only to bump into the other twin, who somehow managed to sit on his other side without him noticing, "Yep and we're the only ones who know it."

Looking back and forth at the two, oh, this was not good, he tried to sprint off the couch and run to his personal wash rack, at least he could lock that door and keep the twins advances off.

But as soon as his pedes hit the floor, he was jerked back into Sunstreaker's lap, the yellow demon wrapped his arms around the struggling medic and nuzzled the side of Ratchet's helm, "Hhm, you weren't going to run from us were you?"

If it had been under any normal circumstances, the white and red mech would have gone into a fit of fury swinging with everything he had…but the contact of another body against his was…just to nice to ignore…

Sideswipe seemed to just appear out of nowhere as he kneeled on the floor, looking up at the two with a grin that would rival that of the Cheshire cat, "Aww, maybe he don't like us Sunny."

A snort from behind, "Like I care, we'll just have to make him like us and don't call me Sunny."

The red twin just let out a short laugh as he began to move Ratchet's legs, making sure he couldn't close them by using his brother's knees, leaving the poor doctor unable to save himself.

A strangled whimper escaped the bound bot and was replied with a rumble from the twins engines, he should have fought back, should have kicked Sideswipe but instead let him trap him from movement, should be yelling at Sunstreaker for kissing the sensitive wires around his neck and having one hand play with the seams around his chassis…but instead…he just moaned and mewled.

Dazed optics watched as a black helm leaned in between his thighs, hips jerked back as nose ridge nuzzled the sensitive plating and a deep purr vibrated the metal skin, his optics shuddered closed as a glossa swirled around the seams.

A deep rumble behind him made his whole frame shake, the yellow brother clearly enjoying the whole scene that was happening in his lap, his own plating growing hot and the cord behind it harden. He let his servos wander down the heated white body, no longer needing to hold the medic in place, it seemed the attention he was getting paralyzed him from escaping, heat was so wonderful to allow the brothers to catch their prey without any real fuss.

A growl came out of somewhere, Ratchet wasn't quite sure who though, but he knew why and his response was an apologetic mew and the swift opening of his interface plating. A deep grumble was a 'thank you' before he felt a digit explore him, testing the tightness before it was replaced with a glossa. His knee joints would have closed at the sudden contact but they remained in place, blocked from the other twins own knees.

Sunstreaker couldn't help but smirk smugly as he looked over his medic's shoulder to watch his brother devour what fluids he could, causing short gasps and moans from the other. Over their shared spark link, he could feel the delight in his brother as he discovered exactly what flavor the CMO was.

On cue, the red twin glanced up from his spot between Ratchet's thighs to grin up at the two, a light purple fluid gathered at the corner of his mouth, "Wanna taste?"

A grunt was the yellow twins answer before moving the ambulance enough to where he reach his brother, who promptly reached up and delved into Sunstreaker's mouth.

Ratchet shuddered his optics on in wonder as he was suddenly being ignored only to be met with the sight of Sunny reaching around him to makeout with his twin. Well, that wasn't fair…his instinctual systems had overran his normal CPU output and he was acting on his heat now, which is why he suddenly let out a whine and wiggled his aft against the yellow lap.

Both of them separated and looked over at the white and red mech, deep cerulean optics stared at them, indicating he was to far gone in heat to really care that he was demanding that the pit-spawned Terror Twins to frag him.

A deep chuckle escaped the golden Lambo, "I think he's mad," he tilted his helm and smirked before grabbing the medic into a deep kiss, mixing the three mechs fluids together in his moist mouth.

Sides hummed happily while watching the two, his glossa sweeping across his lips once more, such a sweet taste…so yummy…addicting… He wanted more but it was his brother's turn for a taste and he could wait, they had plenty of time to mate and bond with the pretty little bot.

They finally had what they wanted, and they were determined to make sure it stayed that way. At first the two were annoyed with the medic, but after seeing how he really was, the yelling and wrench throwing was his way off dealing with the panic he had of possibly losing a patient.

The smaller mech was so afraid of losing anyone on the Ark but that was the cost of being a medic surrounded by faces that you nearly see almost everyday. He treated them like he did everyone else, spitting and cursing…but they knew if he stopped for an instant…he would break, so they had to keep him revved up and on edge. Even if he didn't know it, they were taking care of him…keeping him from falling off the edge but into their embrace.

It was something to keep them sane and safe, he would rebuild and care for them and they would keep him from shattering like glass from the memories of those he lost before…

A whimper broke the thoughts, refocusing he found that his brother had started stripping Ratchet of his outer armor to reveal the slimmer body underneath. Unprotected wires were now subjected to yellow wandering servos determined to reveal the true being underneath.

He let his optics drift, he knew the medic was older but there wasn't a scar on the form beneath…or at least ones that stood out. Unlike himself and Sunstreaker, whose forms were littered with chasms of disfigurement, the reason why the gold Lambo was so determined to make his outer armor beautiful…they knew anyone who saw what they really looked like…would be repulsed…

Battles of being frontliners and their former life ripped true beauty from them, they weren't going to show that to the medic just yet though…they wanted the illusion that they were unscarred to linger just abit longer. By the time they would show him, a bond would be set in place and hopefully they can get him to carry…he would be unable to refuse them…forever bound to them. It was cruel and unfair…but it didn't matter…they would have him and never let go…even if they have to cage him to do so. "Sides."

He crooned at his name being called from the begging mech, taken a moment to capture the scene before him. Ratchet leaning back against his brother, his helm resting on a shoulder as optics pleaded for him, soft panting with his legs spread wide and the slow drip of fluid from his valve…it had him instantly over there.

Sunstreaker growled, he wasn't much for foreplay like his twin and it took everything not to retract his codpiece and let the spike shoot up into that tight little valve, the surprise gasp would be so delicious…but they needed to take it slow for now.

Maybe later on, he'll get the CMO when he least expected it…over one of those medbay tables with the doors open, that would be nice.

He clamped his mouth onto the smaller's neck and sucked, scrapping gently with his denta, his servos dipping between the thighs to enter digits in the slick port. He bit the naked wires, drawing out the energon, licking it up as though it was rarest treat in the universe, he thrust his digits farther; getting a pleasured cry from his Ratchet, "Mine."

A snort caused him to look up at his brother as he scooted Ratchet closer to Sunstreaker's chest so he can sit on the twins lap as well, trying to unclasp the now exposed spark chamber to pulsing energy within, Sideswipe wanted to take the medic's spark while his twin would take him physically, "Ours, brother, ours."

"Ah, more…please…", why was his companions teasing him so, those digits were so nice but he wanted more, mewling he pressed himself farther into stroking.

Someone was chuckling, "Don't worry, I'll take you when you open that chamber of yours so we can get to that precious spark."

A thought ran through his processor, spark…if he did that…this moment of just passionate heat would be turn into a merging bond. Did he want that, being fragged was a lot different then being bonded, something told him not to do it…it was dangerous to give in to the demands of the twins.

But a deep growl and the red Lambos servo joined the first one in stroking his valve, he moaned and rolled his hips. It was felt so wrong to beg and if he was in his right processor setting, he would have been ashamed of himself, but he couldn't stop it, "Mmm, please…please stop teasing…"

He looked up at the red twin who just stared down at him before taking him into a kiss, drowning another moan, they separated with husky breaths, "Open up, let us have you, be ours," another kiss before the squirming medic could reply.

A nip to another sensitive wire and deep vibration from the chassis behind him shook him to the very core, a lick under the audio before it was filled with the sound of the golden twins voice, "Hurry and give up, I want to feel that tightness around my spike."

The very mention of it made his valve clench over the digits, oh that would be nice…but to bond with them would be ba-oh, that felt goooood…

Sideswipe released the CMO's lips as he felt the chamber beneath him open, leaning back, he purred at the sight. "Oh, so lovely, so pretty…not a scar or blemish…"

He smiled when the white mech let out a scream as his brother took him, he tilted his helm, enjoying the sight of the yellow shaft burying itself into the valve. He knew Sunstreaker was rough during interface but it was so hot to watch, his twin wrapping both of his arms around the bare frame to push Ratchet farther into the spike, denta making dents into the shoulder and wires as grunts escaped.

The medic's helm had lobbed back, optics shuddered off and his mouth was open in silent screams from the rough pounding, liquid dripping out with each thrust…oh this was perfect and no one else besides them were allowed to do this. Licking his lips once more, he place both of his servos on the spark before him, getting a shudder from the medic, he would bond first, it would numb the pain when it would be Sunny's turn, who would be as rough like he was during interface and that could permanently damage their smaller mate without Sides own spark energy to comfort the blows.

He purred at the color, a misty grey blue swirl, like a calm cloudy day…it fit Ratchet perfectly…at any moment it could darken with fury and worry like that of a storm or it could lighten with laughter and care like that of the sun peeking out behind the clouds.

A choked scream made him chuckle, his brother was getting rougher in his thrust, energon was now leaking down the exposed frame from the marks that were left in the metallic skin.

He slide his chest open, glad that they could control their outer armor so he wouldn't have to reveal his marked shell, the casing that held half the spark him and his brother shared opened.

Sunstreaker rumbled as he watched his brother open, the indigo energy was marked with black swirls…internal and emotional damage from the orns. His was worse and they both knew it, he was so much more damaged then his twin…who would love such disfigurements…

They had to take the medic when he was completely out of it, he would have rejected them if he wasn't…they couldn't lose those gentle touches, the need to care and fix them… He pushed deeper as he licked the wounds he caused, he didn't mean to cause injury but Ratchet's screams and begging for him to fill him…to complete him…it made the Lambo lose control.

Sides glanced over at him, telling him to be ready, grunting, he held the medic still, he wanted to release when Sides merged. Another scream made him lose his control as he felt his twin slam into the warmth of the other, he felt his fluids shoot up into the valve as it spasm, purple fluid now covered his lap. His intakes where shallow as his optics shuddered in and out, finally focusing on the two.

His brother was happily nuzzling against the CMO, their chest still pressed together, he could just barely feel the new affection ghost through his own spark from their connection…so nice to feel something in his cold spark.

Lucky Sides, he was getting the full effect of the merging, as he purred and licked their mate before pulling away, "Your turn."

His engine revved as he helped his brother pick up and completely turn the medic around to where he was now facing him.

Dazed optics stared up at him in confusion, the movement yet to catch up with him, red servos reached up to caress him, "Sunny?"

Oh, his name sounded so sweet coming from the medic's mouth, he leaned into the touches…enjoying being stroked so softly.

Ratchet had no idea what was happening anymore, he was getting a nice pounding when something painful hit his chest. He could feel the orns of hurt and need, he would have pulled back but being trapped between two bodies kept him still and the stress was so intense he could only leave his optics shuddered off.

His only solution was to send affection to douse the pain he felt, whatever was causing it seemed to devour the emotion hungrily till it finally dulled and he could only feel the need from the other…other…he onlined his optics to see his spark pushed up against another.

Sideswipe was clinging to him, happily purring and licking him, he merged with the red twin and was too caught up in the pleasure he was getting to notice it until it was to late. The twins words didn't catch up to him until he was picked up and turned to face the other, pleading optics stared at him…if Sides felt like that, he could only imagine what the golden twin was going through.

Reaching up to touch the twin, "Sunny?", oh, that face broke out into the most beautiful smile, it nearly broke his spark but he could feel Sideswipe's half nudging him to complete the merging, to accept them…to love them…

Feeling his medic settings come on, he had to heal this being before him…he was made to fix others at any cost…no matter the damage to himself.

He could feel his yellow brother's joy as Ratchet leaned up and kissed him while rubbing his spark against his chassis, the medic wanted them!

Chuckling, he raised the medic's aft enough to where he could take his turn, his spike already out and gently nudging the opening, getting a mewl.

Optics sparkling as Sunstreaker's plates opened and the medic nearly fell in, a shudder went through his lover's body before he buried himself inside. The white from pushed closer into the golden one as he rocked himself, his brother's servos grabbed his hips to pull them closer.

"Ah, faster!", no, ignoring the demand, he would take his time, letting Sunny enjoy the merge, he needed it more…besides he was never that good at commands.

"Damn it, it Sideswipe!", he chuckled at the outrage as he slowed, his twin shaking his helm at teasing their mate before nipping the chevron.

Yes, this was perfect, this is what they all needed…to be complete…

Ratchet glared over his shoulder at him, he only winked and leaned up to peck him between the optics, "Don't be so mad, babe…we got all the time we need."

Sunny chuckled, still merged and enjoying the sensation he was receiving, let his brother do whatever as long as this feeling didn't fade…oh, yes…the medic was finally theirs…victory was so sweet.

"Primus, faster-OOH!"

"Hehe, like that?"

"Yes, yes…oh…"

He kept his optics shuddered, ignoring the two and immersed himself in the steady grind of his and Ratchet's sparks, letting the emotions swirl around his in a comforting matter, letting himself hang there between the waking world and the dream like state he was slowly falling into…they should have done this sooner.

"Fragger, messing with me!"

Sides must have slowed down again, knowing it would take longer for Ratchet to climax, he chuckled as he heard his brother's reply…this was nice…if only they could stay like this…maybe they would never have to show their mate what they really looked like, the scars from so many painful memories.

Affection flooded into him from the other spark, soothing his feelings, letting out a content sigh, he nuzzled against the white helm while wrapping his arms loosely around his medic…he never felt so…peaceful…

"GAH! SIDESWIPE!"

Well…peaceful wasn't the word he was looking for…but it was something close.

**Well…there it is…the creation of pure boredom…tell me what you think. No flames, cause if you have read it this far, you must have liked it and if you didn't, you did and your just denying the fact you're a perv. **

***Points finger* PERVERT! **

**Give me your opinions on a sequel or other oneshots with different couples; slash, canon, or cross-fraction or whatever, I'm not picky. Love the reader's, love reviews even more. Remember to support Uke Ratchet, **_***In a singsong voice* All that yelling is a distraction cause he just really wants to be taken! **_

Till next time.


End file.
